RIP Coda

I had to put Coda down yesterday. I know I wrote awhile ago about him having adrenal disease and starting to get aggressive towards the girl ferrets. Well...the disease got worse. A LOT worse. He was straining to pee every 5 seconds. Every time I looked over to the cage he would be squeezing. He was missing the box and he just couldn't pee. I guess his glands down there were swollen. I picked him up and he actually cried, and that is when I knew he was in pain. My mom called the vet (I was too much of a mess) and the vet said she doesn't want to lie, he probably is in severe pain. That was all I had to hear. I had to take him in to be put down. I am still so upset about it, I loved him. I've had him since the beginning, he was one of my original three ferrets. I know it was the best thing to do for both him and me. Him because he was suffering and me because I was a mess watching him deteriorate more and more every day. It just came down to the fact that I don't have the money to get him weekly injections and the injections don't do anything except prolong his life. They don't get rid of the disease. The only thing that COULD get rid of it is surgery to remove the adrenal gland and that starts at around $3000. Also, there is no guarantee that the surgery will be successful and he could have lost his life under the knife. Surgery on such small animals is always risky.

I know I did the right thing, but it still hurts. I didn't get ANY sleep last night because of it, and I had to call into work today and ask to switch days. I couldn't work on 2 hours of sleep. They were really understanding about it, my bosses really are incredible when it comes to stuff like that.

It sucks, but it was for the best. I will miss him though. He was the sweetest ferret. He NEVER bit. Not once. Not until the disease when he started getting aggressive towards the girl ferrets. These past few months he wasn't himself any more. Yesterday I took all of the ferrets out, the boys and the girls, so they could play one last time. Coda didn't do too much playing, but I'd like to think they all said their goodbyes. Animals kind of have a sense of when things are wrong. I will never understand HOW they know. They just do.

Alright, I'm going to end this before I start tearing up again. My eyes hurt so bad last night, they were all puffy and swollen. I'd like today to be different if possible.

RIP Coda, we will miss you!

Sorry...

I know it's been awhile since i've written. I guess there really just wasn't anything of importance to write about. Everything is the same. I guess I'm not AS depressed right now as I was, but I'm not happy. I am where I am and I have to accept that. It just just not possible for me right now to make any life changing moves. Money is so tight, its ridiculous. I am confident things will get better sometime...I just don't know when.

Right now I'm at work...I really do enjoy my job. Not many people can say that. It's only part time and I don't get paid a huge amount, but I'm happy here. It's pretty much enough to pay most of my bills. I know I will have to get something full time in the future, but I'm content with this right now.

One thing I REALLY need to start getting better with is working out. I am just not doing good in that sense. I can't find the motivation to go to the gym. I know I need to do better with it...its just so hard for me for some reason.

Anyways, I got called on to do some work so I have to cut this short. I'll try to write more often..no promises though.

I was right...

My birthday was shitty. EVERYTHING that could go wrong went wrong. It was just a horrible day. Actually, it was a horrible week. I dunno, everything just sucks right now. I am trying to keep it together and not be sad, but it is hard. I don't make a lot of money. It is impossible to save. I feel like I will never get where I want to go.

Jackie and I still haven't hung out...we are supposed to tomorrow, but we'll see. The more I think about it, I realize there really isn't anything I can do. She needs to figure out for herself what kind of situation she is in, and the BF will always be more important than me, so I should just stop thinking about it. Whatever...she will figure it out, and I will be there for her when she does, I just hate being second to such a douche bag. I'm gonna stop talking about it cause i'm going to get more pissed.

What else...hmm...I really don't know. I don't know what to write. I have no good news. Alright, I'm gonna get back to work...