Karma, Happiness and Goals

Money is tight these days. I am saving up for something very important, something that I’m not sure will happen at this point, but if it does, I need to be ready. I don’t want to talk about it at all because I don’t want to jinx it. I actually haven’t told ONE person about it outside of my immediate family. I never keep secrets, so you know this is huge for me. I don’t want to tell anyone until I know it is happening. I will say, if this does work out, I will probably be the happiest person in the entire world.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the past lately. Nothing bad, just kind of reflecting on my life and decisions I’ve made. I guess I’ve been thinking back because the idea of karma has been on my mind. Some people believe 100% in karma – what goes around comes around – basically if you are a bitch to someone, things won’t work out in your favor, but if you are nice and generous, things will go well for you.

How far back does this karma thing extend? Because I will admit, back in high school and maybe the first year or so of college, I wasn’t always too nice to everyone. I mean..I’m never really mean unless I’m provoked, but still, these days I’m trying really hard to always be positive and not have any “beef” with anyone. I’d say the past year or so I’ve been doing great. I really don’t fight with anyone, and if someone wants to fight with me for whatever reason, that is their issue. If I happen to do something wrong, I apologize. I’ve never thought too much about karma being real, but when I think about it now, this past year has been amazing for me. Is it because I have been a better person? The timing seems to add up pretty well.

Whether or not karma is real, my life has been better recently. This year has brought a lot of new changes to my life. For the first time, I’ve started focusing on what is important to me instead of only worrying about other people. From the time I was 16 until I was 22, I was in two long term consecutive relationships. There really wasn’t a break between the two. Thinking back, I accomplished nothing in that time. I spent most of my time worrying about making my boyfriend happy, and I was extremely depressed. Now I am 24 and this past year, I’ve been happier and accomplished more than I ever thought possible. That’s not to say I don’t want to be in a relationship, of course it would be nice to find someone who would love me and not treat me like absolute shit like the last one did. I’m just saying, right now, it’s not very high on my priority list. I do want to move out to LA eventually, so I really have no interest in even trying to meet a guy in Chicago. I don’t want to worry about falling in love and then trying to convince them to move across the country so I can follow my dreams. It wouldn’t be fair to them.

For the first time in my life, I have a goal set and I am determined to get there. As far back as grade school, I remember when we went around the classroom and it got to my turn, “Carli, what do you want to be when you grow up?” I’d reply “Uhh…umm…I don’t know?” It really sucked. All the other kids had some idea..I had none. Now, I know. I know, and I think it might actually be reachable. I’m not saying it will be easy, because nothing in life is handed to you. I am an extremely hard worker and I have pushed to get as far as I’ve gotten. I am ready to keep pushing. It’s not just about the dream job. It’s about being happy and content with my life. I feel the only way to be truly happy is to love your job. I’ll never be able to afford being a housewife, and frankly, I don’t think I’d want to. I’d be bored. I finally know what I am passionate about and I want to turn that passion into a career. There will never be an exact right time to move out to LA. I’ll never have all the money I need to feel secure. One day, I am just going to have to do it. And I will.