I've had a blog before...but it was a loooong time ago. I don't know exactly why I decided to start another one. Maybe because I have so much shit on my mind lately and its hard to keep track of everything. I kept a hand written journal for a long time but its not easy to bring it everywhere I go. At least this way I can have access to update whenever I feel like it.
I just got back from spending two weeks in LA. I have mixed feelings about it. I did have a lot of fun...on most of the days. The days spent with the boys were the best. Driving around Toluca Lake and going out to the clubs at night. Not only was it cool meeting the people we met, but the boys themselves were great company. They were funny and we got into cool adventures. It was just more fun. If the whole trip was like that, it would have been perfect. But nothing is perfect. I kinda knew based on previous years what to expect, but I didn't know how bad it would be. I feel horrible that Jackie's first vacation in 10 years had to deal with all the drama. I know she had fun on the days we were with the guys, but still...she should have had fun the whole trip.
I really hope the boys don't think i'm a bitch or a horrible person. I know they don't, but i also know they hated the drama and I wish there was a way I could have avoided it but there wasn't. I wish I could have just ignored it and it would have gone away but that wouldn't have worked. Jackie put it best...it was like arguing with a brick wall. Oh well, its over and i can't put myself in that position again.
The last few days of the trip I was really bummed thinking that that might be the last LA trip. I've been doing it for so long and its so fun to get away from reality for awhile and do what we do, but I can't do it again if it is going to be like this. I guess I will worry about it when it gets closer to next January. Hopefully I can stay in touch with Jeff this time...i felt like a stranger talking to him before the trip but once it gets started its like I just saw him yesterday. Jeff is really cool in the sense that nothing really gets him down. Nothing pisses him off and if it does, he deals with it quickly and keeps having fun. I wish everyone could be like that. I know he told me 435345 times that he didn't mind having Jackie and I go places with him, and I'm sure he wasn't lying but I am pretty paranoid from past issues in life and I just felt like a burden.
If I do go next year, I will probably just do the first part of the trip with the boys and leave before the globes. It's really hard to do what they do while being a girl. Maybe I can pull it off if I lose 50lbs and look good enough to dress like a skank. Then I will at least have a chance at blending in. We'll see.
I know I'm not super close friends with the boys or anything, but we spent 14 days in a room together. And we talked ALOT before the trip. It kind of makes me sad to think I might never see them again, or might not talk to them as much anymore. I dunno, whatever happens happens. I'm not gonna stress about it. I just hate losing people in general.
I dunno why I'm so bummed out, i've been pretty sad the past couple days. I am happy to be home, I missed my family and my pets so much. AND i'm happy to not have to deal with the drama on the trip. But I miss LA. And I miss the fun times. It really is so much fun. I don't know how people do it 24/7, I would be so exhausted. I am STILL exhausted and I napped and slept A LOT yesterday and today. I guess its the adrenaline. Overall I did have a great time. Didn't get to meet Rob Dyrdek or Jason Bateman but it will happen one day. Driving by the Rob and Big house was so exciting for me, how much of a loser am i? haha
Its funny, i've been out there what, 7 or 8 times, and i always see the SAME people. Some things never change. Same collecters, same paps. Except Anthony. He was new this year. haha. But West Hollywood and Beverly Hills and Studio City and now Toluca Lake...theres a sense of familiarity there. Home kind of. Home away from home? I don't know. I still wouldn't want to be trapped on the streets of hollywood by myself at night, but at least now I am confident that if I am, I know how to get home.
Before the trip I was a little worried that I would be bummed if the boys got into events that Jackie and I didn't, but honestly, it didn't upset me at all. Reggie even got a pic with Bateman and I wasn't mad/sad about it. I was actually really happy for the guys. I think its awesome that they were able to pull it off so easily. They got like a thousand kick ass pictures in there. Like I said before, maybe if I was skinnier/prettier I could do it too. Maybe next time...haha. Hollywood is so different for guys and girls. Guys can be hot or ugly and they can blend in no matter what. Girls have to be perfect. Kinda sucks but what can you do? I don't make the rules.
Thats why I said next year, if I do end up going, I will most likely leave before the globes. That way I can do all the fun stuff with the guys and I won't be by myself for the events that I won't make it in to. I didn't mind so much this year because I had Jackie, but next year Jackie will be teaching so if I go i will be by myself.
I really really hate how I am feeling right now. And I don't know why I'm feeling it. I guess I feel like this everytime I come home from Cali, even if I know it was time to come home. It was a long ass trip, but it went pretty fast for me. I guess it just sucks because I really don't know if/when I will be going back out there.
Alright, I think I rambled on long enough. I gotta clean the ferret cage...they are giving me a look like its time.
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