So Sleepy..

I'm still so out of whack from the trip. I'm sleeping a decent amount but I am still so tired. I don't have too much going on right now. Working, trying to get back on my feet financially after the trip. That's a little rough. I spent quite a bit of money out there. It was worth it though. I'm still feeling a little bit of the post trip blues, but hopefully that will go away soon. I talked to Jackie and she is feeling it too, so I know i'm not crazy, haha. It was just, being out there for two weeks, there was so much stuff going on every day and every night. Now...theres nothing going on. Its such a change, it kinda sucks.

I keep looking at pap pictures from recent days and wishing I was there. How pathetic is that? Zac and Vanessa had a double date with Brittany Snow and her BF. Lots of people out at the clubs. And now there is all this Pre-SAG award planning. Oh well. I guess I can enjoy from a distance.

I wonder how horrible it would be financially to live out there. I mean, Chicago is a pretty expensive city. I think only second or third to Los Angeles and New York City. It's not like it would be a HUGE culture shock. I have lived on my own before so I think I could manage. Though I don't know if I would want to be alone completely...i get lonely pretty easily. I would miss my family/pets and I would miss Jackie. I would also miss my work. I have the best job ever. Other than that, there is really nothing keeping me here. I HATE my past. I HATE seeing people from my past. Moving out there would be great in the fact that I would never be faced with that again. Chicago is a pretty cool place, but I love LA 1000x more. Everyone is so relaxed there in comparison to the people here. Everyone here is so stressed all the time and high strung. Also, LA is so pretty. Palm trees and green grass, mountains and the ocean. I mean, we have Lake Michigan here, but that is pretty gross to swim in. Though I am not a fan of swimming in large bodies of water...i have that fear of open water. When you are in LA, you are just a drive away from the desert and the huge mountains. Here in chicago, you are a drive away from Wisconsin. Or Corn Fields. Maybe a few farms. Doesn't even compare, haha.

Moving out there is just a fantasy though, I doubt it is something I could ever do. Like I said, I am so close to my family, it would be too difficult. Unless of course I could convince my family to move out there as well. My brother and sister would be easy...they wanna move out there so bad. My parents...that's another story. Dad could probably bend...i'm sure he has some friends out there. Mom though..she hates LA. Not because of anything that actually has to do with the city. She just hates it because she lived out there for awhile and it was a horrible time in her life. She DID recently reconnect with some family out there though..I actually have a cousin in Beverly Hills. Maybe..MAYBE...they can become close and want to be neighbors? haha..in my dreams.

Maybe one day...I gotta meet a perfect guy who will want to move out there as well. He also obviously has to be financially stable enough to live out there..lol. I'll find a job for sure, but I don't know how much money I would be banking out there. I'm not SUPER qualified to do anything really.

When I was in high school I wanted to be a sitcom writer so bad. If that wasn't possible, I wanted to be a Warner Brothers Studios tour guide. I could still probably do the second one. I know that lot better than most people. Maybe one day I can actually go back to college and get a degree in something that actually matters to me. In all honesty, its not too important of a goal for me. Happiness comes first..and I'm content right now. If I can work a job that keeps me happy and meet a guy that is almost perfect (because perfect guys don't exist), then we can have some cute babies (not too many) and lots of puppies, I will be pretty damn happy. I don't need a college degree for that. Some people need to be successful in work to be happy in life. Not me. I've been through so much crap in my life..really nothing else matters to me except being happy. I don't need titles and I don't need pieces of paper listing my accomplishments. I'm a pretty easy person to satisfy...just don't hurt me, that's all.